Adventures with Mr Mom: The Bath Tub Incident

Saturday my neighbour had an open house to showcase her custom jewellery (check out her website for Stone Petal Designs). It was just after six, we'd had an early supper because the kids were wiped and we were set to put them to bed early, so after helping James get the boys into the tub, I ventured next door.

Fifteen minutes later I returned home and was greeted at the door by K, which was odd because he should have still been in the tub. Enthusiastically K says, "Mommy! Mommy! C pooped in the tub!!" Uh-oh. Then James chimes in from upstairs, "never leave again".

Apparently in the 15 minutes I was absent, chaos ensued. First C pooped in the tub, so James, panicked to get them out of the water, just takes them out of the tub, and tries to deal with the situation at hand. As he's draining the tub, a naked Colson wanders into K's room and proceeds to pee on his floor.

Poor Jimmy, isn't motherhood fun?

The Usual Suspects

On Tuesday I baked a lovely chocolate cake, and James and myself, and of course a bit for Keelan and Colson, all enjoyed a few pieces. By this morning there was a quarter of the cake left. Mmmm, its a great cake, rich, moist, chocolately, I was really looking forward to having a piece for dessert at lunch. Lunch was supposed to be leftover paella...supposed to be but apparently after I went to bed early last night, James helped himself to whatever was left of the paella and left the empty tupperware dish upstairs for me to clean up this morning (I love my husband...I love my husband...I love my husband...)

Fastforward to lunch, which I now have to cook, and this is what I come across:

The crime scene: The kitchen counter.

Facts:

Where previously there was quarter of a cake, now there is a sad, picked at, remainder of a cake

The scene has been left a mess, crumbs all over counter

A single, used, plastic fork has been left at the scene

Suspect #1: James (aka the husband)

** Scene has been recreated for dramatic purposes.

The facts:

• Has a known history of finishing
• off goodies without sharing, and tends to leave a trail.
• Had opportunity to sneak cake while Kidlets and myself were upstairs
• Enjoys chocolate cake

Suspect #2: C (aka Baby C)

The facts:

• Also enjoys chocolate cake
• Was upstairs at time of crime
• Cannot reach counter top

Suspect #3: K (aka K-Man)
**Note, suspect was prompted to make his best "mean face" for mug shot

The facts:
Has history of sneaking food without asking
Location unknown at time of crime
Has access to counter top

Did not appear to have any evidence on his person after crime, however did remove his clothing during the period the cake dissappeared

Now, given the paella incident of the morning, I was leaning toward suspect #1. So, begrudgingly I cleaned up the crumbs that had been left on the counter, and started making lunch (chicken donairs...mmmm, yummy enough to offset the frustration of having to cook when I thought it was taken care of).

As I'm making lunch, who should enter the kitchen but "the husband". C's in his high chair, happily plugging away at a freezie, K is playing under the kitchen table, holding a wonderful conversation with himself about Thomas and dinosaurs. James and I chat a bit about how business is going so far, he comments on how good lunch smells, and then he looks at the cake remnants and says, "you know, I've only had like 3 pieces" and looks at me as if I'm the one responsible for eating 3 pieces of cake since this morning (ok, i'm a closet eater, but even that's a bit much for me).

Okay now, let's do some math, a quarter of a chocolate cake (who's only ingredients are eggs, butter, sugar, and chocolate), one husband (formerly Suspect #1) who no longer appears to be guilty, myself, who I know not to be guilty, one baby, who had neither opportunity nor capacity, and one rather three year old, with a really guilty smile.

So to my husband, I apologize for jumping to conclusions, and to myself, darn, that kid really pulled one over on me. If he's already successfully framing James at three, then I am in a lot of trouble.

The Ring

Have I mentioned I'm a dork? Because I am. I get myself into the most ridiculous situations and they are usually as a result of being completely absent minded. I lose things, I'm clumsy, and I'm a dork.

Yesterday my wonderful husband decided I was entitled to a shopping spree. I didn't do anything particularly memorable to deserve it, he just wanted to be nice. So he took me to the new Cross Iron Mills mall to buy a new coat, and some boots, it was very exciting!! So I dressed up, did my hair (ok blow dryed it, but that's about as close to "doing" my hair as I get) and we went out. He lasted two hours, and I had a beautiful new coat, and boots, and scarf, and jeans, *sigh* I was extremely happy....until the car ride home.

As you may or may not know, I am one of the few married women these days who's engagement ring and wedding ring are not a set, and since they don't "go" together, I don't wear them together. In fact, after having K, my engagement ring was sized a size larger than my wedding ring and I wear it on my right ring finger, which is fatter than the left. Well, yesterday, in all the excitement to get out the door and go for a kid-free, all about me, shopping spree, I must have put my rings on the wrong hands, because my wedding band, my beautiful, Tacori style wedding band, my too small for my right hand wedding band, was on my right hand. And it wasn't coming off. We were about 10 minutes away from the house when I discovered my mistake. I was wearing my new coat, and it was warm, so my finger had swollen, but I figured by the time I got home, got the coat off and cooled down, the ring would surely come off.

But no, like a cheesy scene from a made for tv movie, that ring wasn't budging. We tried everything. Hand in icewater, hand above head, butter, olive oil, dish soap, the more we pulled, the fatter that finger got. So, after over an hour, I finally gave up and started the drive of shame to the ER to have that ring, that beautiful eternity band that I had been warned could not be sized because of the detailing on the band, to have that ring that could not be repaired, cut off my finger. My stupid, sausage like finger that was starting to throb from all the pulling.

Upon getting to the "minor emergency" department in the Foothills Hospital, I was greeted by a nurse and a little man with a big bottle of what appeared to be Windex and an old towel. They wanted to give it one last go. My finger at this point was enormous, the ring could barely twist around nevermind move up or down, and I said to the nurse, "I don't think this ring is coming off". "You'd be surprised" she said and so, they got to work. Spray the finger, twist and pull, spray the finger, twist and pull.

and what did I do? I did what I had been doing since the car ride home from the mall. I prayed, I prayed and bargained, and prayed some more, and he sprayed and twisted and pulled, and it actually started to move.

By the time the ring was halfway to my knuckle my hand was aching from the pressure on of him pushing back against the rest of my hand. But he kept going. By the time it was just below my knuckle my finger was bleeding and clumps of skin were gathering around the band as the twisting of the ring rubbed my finger raw.

And when it finally slid over my knuckle and off my finger I gave that man a huge hug and started to cry.

So that is the story of the ring. I left the hospital with a finger so fat that I couldn't even bend it, bleeding and raw, and a smile from ear to ear. I still cannot believe they got if off.

Yes, We're Still Alive in Here!

For any concerned followers out there, yes we're still alive. Both the boys are now sick with the flu. Poor K is going on day ten and still isn't back to 100%. He went from a fever on Tuesday, to a cough on Thursday, both on Friday which prompted a trip to the emergency room at the Children's Hospital. After a four hour wait and 5 minutes with the doctor we received the diagnosis of "it's probably the flu, and the most common one at the moment is H1N1 so it's likely that strain" and sent home for bed rest. Considering the hysteria surrounding the "Pandemic" H1N1, this doctor was rather cavalier, and his quick dismissal of K left both James and me feeling less than relieved. He seemed like he was getting better over the weekend. In fact, by Monday night I was feeling so confident that he was better that we were planning what he would wear for school pictures the next day, until he woke up in the middle of the night and threw up. The stomach flu has continued until last night. So far so good today, but I guess we'll see.

On Monday this week C woke up with a fever and a cough. The quick onset of the cough and the fact that K's been sick, combined with his age prompted a quick trip to the doctor (thankfully they saw us at the clinic instead of making us wait it out at the H1N1 assessment clinic) where we basically got the same diagnosis as K.

So, we're waiting it out. All of us are getting stir crazy and the self imposed quarantine is harder than I expected. But all things considered, we are very grateful that this is as tough as its gotten.

Hopefully everyone will be recouping soon and we can resume life (and blogging) as normal!! I hope everyone out there is fairing well and keeping healthy!! Pandemic or not, this flu is ugly and its awful watching your babies feeling sick.

Take Care!!